Left behind…

“Life was filled with guns and war, and everyone got trampled on the floor…

I wish we’d all been ready,

Children died, the days grew cold, a piece of bread could buy a bag of gold,

I wish we’d all been ready…

There’s no time to change your mind…

…the Son has come…

…and you’ve been left behind.”

The above is a quote from a song that I used to sing in church frequently, as a 12 and 13 year old. 

It also caused me nightmares and panic attacks that wouldn’t cease. 

Nothing haunted me during my early childhood like the idea of the rapture/tribulation period. 

It was supposed to be a wonderful thing to look forward to- a time when Jesus would come and collect all the believers in the sky so they could be in heaven with him.

However, it was also a horrific time of gloom and dread for anyone who had not yet believed.

Or for anyone who thought they believed and were mistaken. 

It was a time in which unbelievers would endure a 7 year hell on earth, full of the worst plagues, wars, and terrors that have ever happened in the history of mankind. 

There would rise up one antichrist who would force everyone to accept the “mark” (666 on the forehead or the palm of the hand) or be beheaded. 

The people who refused the mark would not be allowed to buy or sell, and would be chased down by the government, continually running but having nowhere to hide. 

Only the ones who “endured to the end” would be saved at the end of the 7 years. Then Christ would come a second time for the judgment where “every eye would see him”. 

I was made to watch a series of movies on the rapture. The names of the movies were: 

• Thief in the Night 
• A Distant Thunder
• Image of the Beast
• The Prodigal Planet

These movies are something I would NOT recommend for children to watch.  Even if the acting is cheesy (looking back) and the story line makes little sense, to a child who is being told it is something true and something that will happen to them very soon, it can be quite traumatic. It is a horror film and no child should ever be shown such a film to scare them into being saved. 

You can watch “A Distant Thunder” on Vimeo for free to see what I’m talking about. It ends with one woman, a believer who refused the mark of the beast, bravely being led to the guillotine and the star of the movie being forcibly made to watch while screaming in horror. 

I remember quite clearly being tormented with fear every night over this belief system. My church continually stressed “knowing” you’re saved, and would hint at different things that can show whether you really are saved or not. 

Did you dishonor your parents today? Maybe you’re really not saved. Did you think angry thoughts toward your sibling? Maybe you’re not saved, after all. Do you FEEL saved? If you’re saved, you can FEEL it. You need to pray and make your calling sure! 

I prayed to God every night, desperately pleading with him to forgive me for my sins and to please save me. No matter how many times I did this, I never FELT different. I assumed this meant I did something wrong and wasn’t actually saved after all. 

I remember lying next to my parents bedroom door every night so I could hear them breathing. My reasoning was that if they were still there, I hadn’t been left behind.

I remember multiple times being in the grocery store with my mom and losing sight of her, and panicking, thinking I had been left behind. One of these times (age 14) I remember I was walking with my boyfriend (another story for another day) and we got out of sight of my mom. We both looked at each other and I knew we were thinking the same thing- we had been left behind! 

We ran down every aisle and couldn’t find her or my sister or brother. I began crying and he tried his best to comfort me. We kept looking. She was not in the store. 

We went out to the car and saw her. She was heading back from the store next to the one we had been in. She had left the store. That’s why we couldn’t find her. 

My boyfriend was extremely angry and yelled at my mom and asked her how she could so that? He relayed to her how scared I had been. She said she didn’t know what the problem was… She figured we would like to spend time alone.

There was another time that I was in the house and couldn’t find my mom. I looked everywhere and couldn’t find her. I finally sat on the floor, believing I had truly been left behind…abandoned by God himself…and let out a blood curdling scream and kept screaming, “Why???????” “Why would you leave me, God?????”

My mom at this point emerged from a closet – and was laughing. 

Laughing. 

She thought it was humorous, for what reason I’ll never know. I was crying, but she kept chuckling like it was a harmless prank. She hugged me and laughed. I’ll never forget that moment. 

To be continued…